The Witch With The Wonky Broomstick

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Book excerpt

The Witch With The Wonky Broomstick

Wincy the witch was a witch who

Flew around all day and night

But if you ever saw Wincy flying

You’d see things didn’t look quite right.

She never flew in a straight line

And on her face was always a frown

As most of the time she flew sideways

And sometimes upside down.

You see, she had a really big problem

It was the thing on which she used to fly

Her broomstick, it was all wonky

“Fly me straight!” you’d hear her cry.

Well Wincy was a worried witch

At times she was really quite scared

She’d been to loads of broomstick menders

But none of them even cared.

“Throw it away you silly witch”

Was one member’s unhelpful words

“It’s only good for one more thing

And that’s as a perch for tired birds.”

Wincy was sad at hearing this

She cried then flew to her room

And it was here that she made her mind up

That she would never part with her broom.

Now Wincy still flies around

And doesn’t care if she doesn’t go straight

She loves her broomstick like never before

And sees it as her truly best mate.

What a naughty bird

While I was playing in the park one day

A bird it did appear

Eating a bacon sandwich

And drinking a can of beer.

I said, “Hey, what do you think you’re doing there

There’s children all around.”

The bird, it looked at me and burped

Then threw its can upon the ground.

I said “What a naughty bird you are

You’re a disgrace” I started to call

The bird it looked and hiccupped at me

Then from its perch did fall.

As it lay there on the grass all still

I ran to help put it right

Then all of a sudden it squawked and screeched

And gave me such a fright.

It flew away and laughed so loud

That everybody heard

I looked up to the sky that day

And thought, “What a naughty bird.”

The Boy Who Pittles All The Time 

There’s a kid at school called Peter

Who drinks gallons of water with lime

But it’s become something of a problem

Cause he pittles all the time.

He rarely uses a toilet

He pittles wherever he can

He’ll pittle in a garden

He’ll pittle in a pan.

He’ll pittle on the flowers

He’ll pittle in the sink

He’ll pittle on the carpet

He causes such a stink.

No-one ever sees him

Cause that would be so rude

But never take your eye off him

Or he’ll pittle on your food.

The pittling doesn’t bother him

But it drives his mother round the bend

After cleaning up after him one night

She yelled “This pittling has got to end.”

Peter didn’t take any notice

Even when mother threatened the things she would do

Peter just ignored the threats

Then pittled on her shoe.

He pittled once on next doors cat

It hissed and stretched out its claws

Then crouched down low ready to attack

Until Peter pittled on its paws.

The cat was not very happy

It hissed then hissed once more

Then in a huff it ran back home

And barged smellily through the door.

At school the teachers grew angry

They gave Peter some right dirty looks

So one day when they were out for their dinners

Peter pittled on their books.